When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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