Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
two words: eviction party
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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