chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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