im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
