I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
