: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
