Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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