Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
