you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
