It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
