We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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