I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
