I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
