lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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