I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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