mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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