so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
