dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
