oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
