my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
