Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We have started to decorate penises.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
