Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
