im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
