Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
