can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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