sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
