I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
