your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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