I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
