Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
