How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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