Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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