She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
