Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry about my life...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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