You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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