I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
