before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
