you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
