Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
