even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
