How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
