pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
