shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
