you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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