oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
