I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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