so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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