You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
