He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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