I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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