you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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