Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
