I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
