I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
