Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
