every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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