Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
