Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
