Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
