He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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