It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
