So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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