guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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