btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
