why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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