i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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