I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
