Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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