remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
