i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
