on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
